Alphabet Soup
by Candyglue
Summary: But you can’t look at him. You can’t face the perfect person before you" 26 Prompts. A-Z. 26 chapters of Ernst/Hänschen. Yum. 14th prompt: N for Nude. Next Prompt: O for Ouch
1. It Never Fades, A for Ax

Disclaimer: Don't own.

I took up a challenge on livejournal.

a_to_z_prompts dot livejournal

* * *

**Prompt:** Letter A : _Ax_

**Rating:** K+/T I guess….

Often Hänschen thought of a particular phrase: "have an ax to grind". This phrase could be used almost every minute of his life, seeing as it meant _having a self-serving reason for doing something. _

He couldn't think of one time where that phrase couldn't be used…at least the meaning of phrase.

When he was nine years old, he had tripped his younger sister, resulting in his mother leaving the kitchen to calm her…and leaving the fresh baked cookies unguarded.

Twelve years old he had managed to score a trip to Berlin…just by sucking up to his eldest brother for the two weeks.

Fifteen years old and he had gained pleasure and release… by seducing Ernst.

He thought that the seduction would be just another gain on his part… but what he didn't plan on was that one time did not suppress his urges.

Neither did the next.

Or the next.

It never faded.

And slowly, he no longer had a feeling of self-serving. Yes, he needed and _craved_ the meetings, but now… Ernst needed to yearn for it as well.


	2. Sleepover?, B for Bed

Disclaimer: Don't own Spring Awakening.

* * *

**Prompt:** Letter B: _Bed_

**Rating: **T

_Drip Drip Drip._

The last of the left over water finally escaped down the bathtub drain as Ernst wrapped a towel around his lower half. Normally, he would do a better job of covering himself, but it was quite warm in the house and no one was home.

His whole family had been invited over to the Lammermeier's, but Ernst politely refused seeing as he was tired and wanted to be alone for a while.

Unfortunately for him, he realized this wish would could not be fulfilled as soon as he opened his bedroom door.

"Ah, I see you have finally finished Ernst. You took quite some time in there. What ever where you doing?"

Ernst jumped at least 3 inches and nearly dropped his towel, but managed at the last second to hold onto it.

There, lounging on his bed was no other then Hänschen Rillow. His shoes had been removed and placed neatly on the floor, his hands behind his head as he leaned on Ernst's pillow.

"Hänschen! What are you doing here?" Ernst nearly screamed.

"Am I not allowed to be here?" He replied smoothly.

"Well, no, I mean, yes, I mean.. How did you get in?"

"The door was unlocked."

"And if no one was home?"

"But you are."

"Yes, but… but…" Ernst let out a dramatic sigh. He could never win with this boy! "Well, um, could I at least put some clothes on?"

"Are you giving me an option?"

"What? N-no! Of course not!" Ernst face was becoming redder by the minute.

"Oh, Ernst…" Hänschen rose from the bed and calmly walked over to grab Ernst's hand. As he pulled him towards the bed, he closed the door. "What's the point?" From behind, he put his arms around Ernst, letting them rest on his chest which produced an involuntary shiver from him. " You know, as well as I, that your clothes would be shed onto the floor in a matter of minutes anyway…"

Hänschen began to place little kisses on the boy's neck as he fluidly ran his hands over Ernst's chest.

He whispered in his ear, "Let's have a sleepover Ernst. We can even, heh, _share_ the bed like we used to."

"Will you be there in the morning, when I wake up?"

"Of course. We'll tell your mother we had a unplanned sleepover."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Ernst's only response was a murmured, "_yes_…" Before his towel -and Hänschen's clothes- lay on the floor forgotten.


	3. He Didn't Love Her, C for Cling

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Spring Awakening.

* * *

**Prompt:** C for _Cling_

**Rating: **T 

Hänschen felt a cold gust of wind as he turned over in the bed. He wondered why the wind felt so cold, cold enough to wake him up. Opening his eyes, he came face to face with a wall, and realized that this was not his bed, and more importantly, not his room or home. He cocked his eyebrow trying to remember where he was.

.

.

He mentally sighed. Of course he knew where he was!

He was in Ernst's bed. They had had a… _sleepover._

Well, he was up now. So Hänschen turned to wake up the raven-haired boy, but found he was unable to.

While he hade been trying to figure out where he was, he hadn't realized something, someone, latch onto him.

Ernst was currently clinging onto his torso. Ernst was not awake, for Hänschen could her his deep breathing, so Ernst must have wrapped his arms around him in his sleep.

Normally, Hänschen would of just gone back to bed, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not. Plus, The window was open sending cold wisps of wind, and Ernst was rather close…. And well, naked.

Ah! This was _not_ helping.

Hänschen sighed again. Last night was _very_ enjoyable, but he was still going to get Ernst for this.

"Ernst."

"Mhmgh." Ernst replied, burying his head into Hänschen's back.

"Ernst _dearest_."

"Mhmgh, wha-"

"Ernst wake up."

"Hm, wha-what?" Ernst slowly raised his head. He blinked a couple of times before releasing one of his arms to rub his eyes. This gave Hänschen leave to turn around to face him.

"Agh! Hänschen!" He rapidly removed his other hand from Hänschen's torso. "What are you-… Oh." Ernst blushed a little as soon as remembrance of the previous night hit him.

"Good morning to you to Ernst." Hänschen smirked. "Last night was fun wasn't it?"

"Wha- Oh! Yes! Yes of course! I mean…" This produced an even deeper blush from him. "Y-yeah, I enjoyed it. Wait! Did you?" He asked slightly panicking.

"Yes Ernst. Calm down, calm down."

Hänschen took this opportunity to place a light kiss on Ernst's lips. "Now, we can go back to bed… And even though I quite enjoy you without clothing…"

"Hänschen!"

He smiled slyly. "What? I do. Anyway, we should at least get dressed before your mother comes up stairs."

"Oh, yes, of course!"

The boys swung their legs over the edge of the bed.

"Can I borrow your sleepwear, Ernst?"

"Oh! Yes, here these should fit." He handed Hänschen a set of pajama pants and shirt. They both got dressed and climbed back into bed pulling the covers over them.

Ernst snuggled up to Hänschen almost immediately. Hänschen couldn't help but smile a little.

As he began to close his eyes, Ernst murmured something, that Hänschen couldn't hear.

"What was that?"

"I-I said, 'you stayed.' You were still here this morning."

"Well, naturally." Ernst was confusing him.

"N-no. R-rember that story Otto told us once? The one were the man left some woman before she awoke."

"I remember."

"That man didn't care about the woman. H-he didn't love her."

Hänschen's face went pale. Ernst couldn't possibly mean- He, Hänschen, couldn't actually-

"You'll probably never admit it Hänschen. But I think you l-"

Hänschen threw his hand over Ernst's mouth. "Stop." He removed his hand. "Please." This simple request came out small and pleading.

Ernst froze and stared Hänschen in the eyes for a few seconds before he leaned forward and captured Hänschen mouth with his own. His hands found their way behind Hänschen's head, while his found them around Ernst's waist.

Ernst moved his lips, which was a silent request for Hänschen to do the same. Their tongue's danced for a short while before Ernst withdrew. But was still close enough for him to nibble on Hänschen's lower lips, which is what he did. Hänschen was very still, and Ernst could of sworn he felt something wet fall on to his cheek.

He gazed down when he finally mustered up the courage to speak.

"I-I love you Hänschen. But do you love me? You were here this morning, but will you be here tomorrow?"

With that, Ernst once again rested his head on Hänschen's chest, and Hänschen rested his head on Ernst's.

As Hänschen drifted off, he felt Ernst's arms hold him tighter then before. Clinging, as if Ernst really believed he, Hänschen, was going to leave him.


	4. Social Sickness, D for Dawn

**Disclaimer:** I don't own SA.

* * *

**Prompt:** D for Dawn

**Rating:** K+/T (But not really)

"Did you hear about the Ackers?" Hänschen's father asked at their dinner table.

Tonight, Hänschen's was the only Rillow child present at the table. His sister was not feeling well enough to eat, and his elder brother was who knows where.

"No, I'm afraid I haven't dear. Please do tell."

Hänschen's scowled under his breath. He hated how much respect his mother gave his father.

Herr Rillow leaned in to the table and lowered his voice as if he was about to tell a cursed secret. "Well, it was going around in work that their eldest son, Franz, was having an affair…" He paused for effect. "With that Diefendorf kid!"

Hänschen sighed. He never really paid attention to the families his father worked with. What did he care if someone's son was picking up girls on the street?

But his mother seemed to know something he didn't, for she gasped and dropped her soup spoon right away.

"Impossible!" She exclaimed. "Lisa Diefendorf only has one child! Her son, Heiko!"

Hänschen's eyes widened.

"I know! Can you imagine? Found at the break of dawn in a shed! In each other's arms no less! Two perfectly sane young men? Why, they're no better then the dirt the artist's colony sleeps on!"

"Well, we won't have to worry about any of our sons." Frau Rillow turned to her son. "Especially Hänschen here. Isn't that right Hänschen dear?"

All of a sudden, the room seemed too small. It was suffocating every last breath out of Hänschen. His palms began to sweat, his hair stood up, and his breathing more shallow.

"Hänschen! Your mother asked you a question." Venom seeped from his fathers words.

Hänschen came back to reality. "W-why yes! You won't have to worry at all." His nervousness faded a tad. "I'm terribly sorry for acting so rude, father. Mother, may I be excused? I seemed to have lost my appetite."

"Yes dear, go lie down. You look very pale."

As Hänschen began his climb up the stairs, he could hear his father's voice.

"Wow, the thought of two men together must of really thrown Hänschen's morals off. Ha! He probably didn't even think it was possible!." His mother's laughter was an agreement in Hänschen's ears.

Hänschen couldn't help but smirk a little. Oh, if only they knew.

* * *

At about dawn, Hänschen awoke from a horrible nightmare and lay staring at the ceiling.

Words flew around his mind, whipping across his eyes. Words like: Impossible!, can you imagine?, freak, faggot, our dear son…. So many words. All of them seemed to rip him inch by inch.

Ugh, it made him sick.

He jumped up from his bed and ran towards a bathroom, flinging the door open. As he kneeled over the toilet, he felt tears streaming down his face.

When he had finished, Hänschen wiped the acrid bile from his mouth as he crouched on the floor. He needed to get out of here. Needed to find Ernst.

Now.

Actually, scratch that. He needed to wash his mouth and change into warmer clothes first.

_Then_, he's find Ernst.


	5. Earthy Sermon, E for Earth

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Spring Awakening.

* * *

**Prompt:**E for _Earth_

**Rating:**T

"_This children, is the earth. Enjoy it, care for it."_ Herr Sneglafisch began rather bluntly.

Hänschen starred blankly at his teacher. What class was this supposed to be again? No matter, at least they got to leave that stuffy classroom.

"_This grass, this blue sky, this tree!"_

Oh, how _this_ bored Hänschen. Luckily, the cure for his boredom, Ernst, was not too far away.

"_This is the land god gave you. He wants you to live in it, your children to live in it, and your children's children's to live in it."_

Hänschen quietly crept up to where Ernst was standing, behind the rest of the male class. Ernst had a dreamy expression on his face.

"_If you wreck the earth. God will wreck you." _

He slowly placed his hands on Ernst's back, and the boy quickly turned.

"Hä-"

"Sh!" Hänschen placed a finger over Ernst's mouth.

"_How would you like it if someone destroyed something you worked a whole week on?"_

"What are you doing?" Ernst asked quietly through Hänschen's hand.

"I'm bored."

"Oh?"

"_You must feel the earth's glory! Soak in every last sun beam! Now in order to do that.. sit where you are!" _Every boy obeyed immediately. _"Now! Bathe, _silently_, in the sun light."_

Silently? Hm, Hänschen could do that.

Ernst just dropped their previous exchange, and sat with his eyes shut. Hänschen did the same, except with his eyes open. As he gazed at the clouds, he eyed Ernst with his peripheral vision.

This was Hänschen's chance.

He carefully slid his hand over Ernst's. This resulted in Ernst's eyes shooting open. Ernst turned to say something along the lines of 'someone will see', but realized that Hänschen was still "gazing" at the clouds.

Ernst coughed a muffled cough before returning back to the sky. Though it wasn't as easy as he thought, since Hänschen was now tracing circles on his, Ernst's, hand.

He tried to ignore it, but Hänschen just wouldn't stop!

Ernst looked around to see if anyone was watching, but no. Georg and Otto were silently talking, about girls probably, Moritz was reciting Latin that needed to be memorized by Monday, and Melchior was just dreaming with his eyes open. The rest of the class were either talking in a hushed whisper, or just sleeping in some form. In other words, no one was watching Hänschen and him.

And thank god too, since Hänschen's nails were now lightly scratching Ernst's forearm.

Ernst quivered for a few moments, before their teachers voice rang out.

"_Alright! Everyone up! We will continue this" _What ever this is of course, _ "…on Monday! Now shoo!" _

Both Hänschen and Ernst shot up from their seats.

"Care to walk home together Ernst?" Hänschen said extending a hand. "We can finish _studying_ this _lesson_ together."

Ernst let out a sound similar to 'eep', before Hänschen grabbed his hand and led him in the direction of their favorite spot in the vineyard.

* * *

"So, Ernst. What did you thin of today's lesson?" Hänschen asked coolly as he and Ernst sat down under the shade of a tree.

"I-I thought it was very good."

"Did you now?"

"Y-yes." Hänschen was making him more nervous then usual. "W-what did you think?"

"Well, _I_ thought it was to much about god! I mean, could he really of created this whole planet, as well as it's inhabitants, in only six days?"

"W-well, maybe he had s-some help…" Ernst sentence seemed to linger for Hänschen's stare was now boring into him.

"You know what I liked about the lesson?"

Ernst gulped. Back to cunning, seducing old Hänschen.

"W-what?"

"The part were I got to imagine everything I could do to you after…"

"W-what?" Ernst's eyes widened. What in gods name was this boy talking about?

Without warning, Hänschen pounced _(A/N: Like a pussycat! __xD__)_ onto Ernst, pinning him down. His hands were on either side of Ernst, who was now flat on his back. He leaned in close enough for Ernst to hear Hänschen's now uneven breaths.

"I was imagining you pinned below me, laying sprawled about on the _earth_." He said chuckling.

"O-oh." Ernst responded lamely, but with a half smile. He should of known!

Hänschen gasped. "Oh Ernst! I seem to have become more predictable to you!" Hänschen chortled in mock agony. "How will I ever survive? You've sucked all the fun out of your seductions!"

"Seduction-s?" Ernst asked confused. "as in plural?"

"Yes. Why?" Hänschen asked cocking an eyebrow.

"So… I've never once seduced you?"

Hänschen was taken aback. "W-well, um…"

"Aha! So I have!" Ernst grinned and sounded like a child who had just been able to locate the cookie jar.

"What! I did not-"

"Admit it."

"What? No."

"Ad. Mit. It." He pleaded again more firmly.

"No. There is nothing to admit!"

Ernst sighed.

"Oh well. We'll work on it." He responded, before pulling Hänschen down by the front of his shirt, landing him right onto Ernst's own lips.


	6. Our Fate is Sealed, F for Fate

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sa.

* * *

**Prompt:** F for _Fate_

**Rating: **K+(/T?)

Ernst looked up from where he was leaning on Hänschen chest. Today was a day where they would just sit under a tree in the vineyard, entangled in each others arms.

"H-hänschen?"

"Yes Ernst?" Hänschen looked down at the smaller boy. "Was is it?"

"Are we going to hell?"

"What?" Hänschen's right brow raised. "Why would you think that?"

"Well… um, what we're doing is… um… not…uh-"

"In the Bible? Christian?"

Ernst's blush deepened. "Y-yes."

"Well tell me this." Hänschen paused to sit up a little. "Do you think Moritz is in hell?"

"N-no."

"Wendla? You do know what the real story was don't you?"

"Yes I know. And n-no. She's in heaven, just like Moritz."

Hänschen smirked. He lowered his lips to the back of Ernst's neck placing a kiss. Ernst shivered.

"Do you find our actions _sinful_?" Ernst gulped. "Do you?" Hänschen asked again.

"S-sometimes…" Ernst answered truthfully, in a high pitch voice.

Hänschen chuckled. "As long as Wendla and Moritz are in heaven, our fate is sealed…"

Ernst let out a relieved breath.

"…For now." Hänschen ended before colliding their lips together.


	7. So Very Clumsy, G for Grace

Disclaimer: Do I own Spring Awakening? Heh, you tell me.

* * *

**Prompt:** G for _Grace_

**Rating: **K(K+? Naah)

The way his hair is parted,  
The twinkle in his eyes.  
The way he moves around,  
Are things Hänschen does despise.

So very clumsy,  
He has no grace.  
Takes one step,  
Falls flat on his face.

But Hänschen can't laugh,  
Can't even smirk.  
'Cause he can't help but care,  
If Ernst is really hurt.

Bends down to the dirt,  
Only to see.  
And just to heal,  
Ernst's hurt knee.

Kisses it sweetly,  
Like Mütti used to do.  
Then sighs dramatically,  
As he ties Ernst's shoe.

He blushes some more,  
Says "Thank you."  
Then tops it off,  
With "I love you."

You smile at him,  
He smiles back.  
You whisper "I know",  
He must think you're some kind of maniac.

You pull him up and lean forward,  
Touch his lips with your own.  
Hold him tight,  
Then take him home.


	8. It's All Just a Game, H for Hope

Disclaimer: I don't own SA

* * *

**Prompt:** H for _Hope_

**Rating: **K+ (T? I really have no idea.)

_(Please zoom forward a few years. Thank you.)_

Ernst would always look for the signs. It was a silly little game he played with himself. Hänschen didn't even know about it, or perhaps he did. Ernst never knew the extent of Hänschen's knowledge.

Ernst's little game was a silent one. But unlike many games, Ernst never really wanted to play it. But he knew he had to. In this game you couldn't cheat, and couldn't win. But you could lose, and if you did, you'd fall fast. The way to play was simple.

Step 1: Look/Search

Step 2: (If something is found) Dismiss other player

Step 2: (If something is not found) Continue to next round and repeat

Ernst wasn't searching for anything specific. But when Hänschen arrived at his front door, he began his meager game.

Hänschen's hair wasn't a mess. Good. Shirt buttoned as usual. Good. Clothes in tact. Good.

Round one complete.

They'd walk side by side until dusk started to fall. (With age came the freedom to walk about after dark.) If no one was around, which was usually the case, Hänschen would grab his hand, or he would grab Hänschen's, and they would just walk some more. They might exchange a few words of each other's day such as,

"Class is so boring without you," In the upper school all the old classmates from the lower school were separated by skill. Obviously Hänschen went on to a higher level class, while Ernst stayed lower.

"But Bobby Malor is in your class Hänschen."

"He isn't nearly as fun anymore."

They'd near the vineyard, the river, or in this case the woods and their talking would cease. Ernst would blink and Hänschen would have already tackled him.

Ernst would check to make sure he did.

The talks and the tackles. Check. Round two complete.

By now the game was pointless. But little things can't be forgotten as he always checks for any marks.

As Hänschen kisses his neck, he can't help but sigh. Not from Hänschen's actions, though they are quite nice, but from his little slab of hope.

When there were no signs, when Ernst won his game , he always had hope that Hänschen would be back the next day.

* * *

:'(


	9. Hair Troubles :or: A Tribute, I for Ink

Disclaimer: I don't own SA.

* * *

**Prompt: **I for _Ink_

**Rating: **K

_Knock knock_

"Ernst, be a dear and answer the door please." Frau Robel asked. Ernst wiped flour-covered hands on his apron. His mother was known to make some of the best cookies around, and occasionally Ernst would help bake them. It was Saturday and tomorrow she was to bring them to her after church meeting.

"Yes Mütti."

"Ernst, wait! Try my cookie dough!" His sister called as she pushed all her weight onto the rolling pin. She was having some difficulty seeing as her hands were so small.

"Let me see who's at the door, and then I'll try some ok?"

She nodded. "Ok."

Ernst wiped his hands on his apron again and walked to the door. The knocking became louder and more impatient as he neared.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" He opened the door and nearly fell over from shock. "Wh-what the- Hänschen?"

Hänschen was standing in the doorway, except his normally electric blonde hair was now, save a few dirty blonde spots, black.

"Three words." He said grimly. "Brother. Black. Ink."

Ernst starred at him for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. He clutched his stomach as he tried to say a few words. "Wh-what, what did h-he do?"

"I don't see what's so funny. My brother simply poured my fathers best, and _most_ permanent might I add, black ink into my lovely blonde hair. When I tried to wash it out, it only made it worst."

Ernst leaned against the door frame still clutching his sides. "W-why did he d-do it?"

"I don't know!"

Ernst managed to regain calmness, and stood up and smoothed his clothing. "Well," He began calmly. "I think it looks fine. Black suites you."

"Does it?" Hänschen slammed his hands on either side of Ernst rather forcefully. Ernst made a little 'eep' sound. "Is it because I'm less intimidating?"

"W-what?" Hänschen inched closer to Ernst face, but at that moment a small sound came from the other side of the room.

"Ernst?" It was his sister. She pointed to black-haired Hänschen. "Who is that?" She asked. Both boys jumped apart.

Ernst gave Hänschen a confused look, then one to his sister. "What do you mean? This is Hänschen Rillow! He's always over here!"

She shook her head innocently. "No, Hänschen has blonde hair! He's really nice to me, but he's so scary sometimes! Especially his hair! Plus, my friend Heidi says that both of her brothers are scarred of him, so you know, that must mean he's scary!" She said with eyes wide and completely serious.

"What? Blonde hair is not scary. And, if I am correct, Heidi has blonde hair as well." Hänschen started snickering. Ernst's sister seemed to ponder this observation. "And you're so silly! This is Hänschen, but his hair is black now!"

Ernst's sister squinted her eyes, before realizing the truth and stood up straighter. "O-oh. I'm terribly sorry Herr Rillow." She curtsied as best she could before running back into the kitchen.

Hänschen turned to Ernst. "See? What did I tell you? My blonde hair is-was intimidating."

Ernst mumbled as he pulled Hänschen into the kitchen, "Well, _I_ didn't think it was so intimidating…"

Even though we all know, he totally did.


	10. Letters, J for Jazz

Disclaimer: I don't own Spring Awakening.

**Takes place in the FUTURE.**

* * *

Prompt: J for _Jazz_

Rating: K+/T

_Ernst, _

_Late at night, if I sit by the window, I hear this wondrous jazz music coming from who knows where. I crack the window open just enough, so as not to disturb my children's sleeping, yet just enough for my wife, that bitch, to hear (accidentally of course). She storms up to me and shuts the window angrily saying how 'she hates jazz music'. She beckons me to bed and I follow. I think she hates jazz because she knows that jazz music reminds me of you. _

_Love you always, _

_Hänsy_

Ernst sighs happily as he folds the latest letter carefully, and stores it in a drawer in his desk that can lock. He takes out some paper, ink and pen to reply.

Ernst stayed in their little hometown and married the pastor's daughter, just as everyone expected him to do. Hänschen moved into Berlin where he met a Greek girl, hm, Desdemona was her name Ernst believed. He didn't particularly like Desdemona, neither did Hänschen for that matter, but for reasons un-known to Ernst, Hänschen married her anyway. Ernst's wife, Lucinda, was at least friendly and caring.

Ernst and Hänschen lived far from each other, and rarely had chances to meet. The letters were really all they had. Ernst would cling to every word Hänschen wrote, imaging the days when they would spend afternoons in the vineyards doing anything but homework, or the nights spent hidden under bed sheets were they had to rise earlier then desired just to put some clothes on so their parents wouldn't suspect anything.

Hänschen wrote much briefer letters then Ernst did, yet Ernst still got butterflies in his stomach when he would read the letters. It seems that even after all these years, Hänschen still had this effect on Ernst.

Ernst would wait eagerly for each letter to arrive. Perhaps telegrams would be faster, but there was something about seeing each other's handwriting, and reading every word that the other desired to say. Telegrams also cost money, and their wives would not be to keen about spending money on sending love letters. Not every letter was a love letter, but there were still things that Ernst and Hänschen wrote that they would tell no one but each other.

With the railroads, Ernst and Hänschen were able to see each other more often, but they would have to take their respective woman. And there were few brief moments were they could sneak away, drop their masks and steal a kiss.

The letters weren't much, but what could they do?

Ernst takes up his pen and begins to write. He makes sure to ask why exactly _jazz _music reminds Hänschen of him…


	11. Mama, We All Go to Hell, K for Kin

Disclaimer: Don't own SA

Song is Mama by My Chemical Romance. (Don't own either)

* * *

Prompt: K for _Kin_

Rating: K+/T (K+ for story, T for lyrics)

_Mama, we all go to hell  
Mama, we all go to hell  
I'm writing this letter and wishing you well,  
Mama, we all go to hell._

You close your eyes, fix your collar, put on that mask. Open the door, remove your shoes, hang up your coat. Your sister smiles at you, you smile back, but guilt fills your entire body.

Mütti calls you into the kitchen. She asks about your day.

_Oh, well, now,_

_Mama, we're all gonna die.  
Mama, we're all gonna die._

You shrug, and answer the normal. Georg fell asleep, Otto forgot his homework, Bobby got yelled at for wearing khakis instead of his school pants, oh, you're also still having trouble with Latin.

Mütti eyes you oddly and wonders out loud why all that studying with Hänschen Rillow hasn't helped.

_Stop asking me questions, I'd hate to see you cry,_

You shiver.

_Mama, we're all gonna die._

* * *

_And when we go don't blame us, yeah.  
We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah._

The mask is already on when you arrive home. You don't bother to remove your shoes, you'll be leaving again soon, you hang up you coat though. No sister to greet you, even if she was, there'd be no guilt.

Mutter calls you from the dinning table. She simply says that you're late. You scowl. Vater isn't even home yet. You sit, and she asks where you've been.

_You made us, oh, so famous._

_Studying_ with Ernst. Just like always.

She gives a famous Rillow glare. (Not as good as yours of course) And says you're probably doing more harm then good to that boy.

You smirk.

_We'll never let you go.  
And when you go don't return to me my love._

* * *

_Mama, we're all full of lies.  
Mama, we're meant for the flies._

You cough as Vati repeats his question at the dinner table. What _exactly _have you been doing with that Rillow boy? Surely not studying, since your grades haven't gone up.

_And right now they're building a coffin your size,_

You stutter, say the first thing that comes to mind. You don't have very good memory. Vati says nothing more.

_Mama, we're all full of lies._

* * *

_Well Mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue,_

You silently sip some water. Vater coughs and whispers to Mutter. He turns to you and asks what _have_ you been teaching that Ernst Röbel?

You sigh.

_You should've raised a baby girl,  
I should've been a better son._

You mostly work on _Greek, _but sometimes you do a little Latin, perhaps some equations… Vater slams his fists on the table.

_If you could coddle the infection  
They can amputate at once._

Vater doesn't like your attitude.

_You should've been,_

To hell with him.

_I could have been a better son._

* * *

_And when we go don't blame us, yeah.  
We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah._

You shakily place your clothing in a bag. Its enough already. You're leaving tonight. Together.

_You made us, oh, so famous._

Your sister knocks on the door shyly. You glance over at her before she lunges at you, hugging you. Her face is wet with tears. She murmurs over and over again, love is love, love is love. No matter what the elders say.

_We'll never let you go._

* * *

_She said: "You ain't no son of mine_

In your hurry to leave, you forgot your coat. You shove the door open one last time.

Mutter is yelling. You yell back that you're 18, you can do what you want.

_For what you've done they're gonna find_

_A place for you_

Your sister is in tears on the floor. She screams to run. They'll take you away, just like Melchior. They'll take you away.

Does she really know?

_And just you mind your manners when you go.  
And when you go, don't return to me, my love."_

One last glance at your pathetic family.

_That's right._

* * *

_Mama, we all go to hell.  
Mama, we all go to hell._

You don't know where he's taking you, chances are he doesn't know either.

_It's really quite pleasant_

But you're together and that's all that matters…

_Except for the smell,_

Right?

_Mama, we all go to hell. _

* * *

_2 - 3 - 4  
Mama! Mama! Mama! Ohhh!  
Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma..._

Its getting colder. He shivers. You pull him close in an attempt to keep him warm.

_And if you would call me your sweetheart,  
I'd maybe then sing you a song_

He smiles, says he loves you.

You nod, then kiss him.

_But there's shit that I've done with this fuck of a gun,_

Perhaps its better not to tell him how your departure went.

_You would cry out your eyes all along._

* * *

_We're damned after all.  
Through fortune and flame we fall_

You're happy, yet can this really last forever? In your wondering, you end up slipping on the sidewalk.

He laughs, offers you a hand.

_And if you can stay then I'll show you the way,_

You hope it will.

_To return from the ashes you crawl._

* * *

_We all carry on (We all carry on)  
When our brothers in arms are gone (When our brothers in arms are gone)_

All you want to do it tell him it'll last. Hold him and tell him that you'll carry on.

_So raise your glass high_

Tonight it will last, yet you long for tomorrow.

_For tomorrow we die,_

You grab his hand, and pull him along to…. Somewhere, anywhere.

You'll find somewhere.

_And return from the ashes you crawl._


	12. Bitten, L for Loathe

Disclaimer: I don''t own SA.

* * *

**Prompt:** L for _Loathe_

**Rating: **T/slight M maybe? Its just some making out… 

* * *

Crash!

_Ernst shrieked. "Hänschen! My mother's vase! You hit it!"_

"_No Ernst, you hit it." Hänschen replied calmly._

"_Well if you hadn't grabbed me liked that perhaps-" Ernst blushed and bent down to pick up the shattered glass and flowers. "Oh, its all wet! Now I need to clean it up. Oh…"_

"_Well perhaps you can lend me a shirt also? I'm a bit, wet."_

_Ernst looked up with his red face and realized that he had been oblivious to Hänschen's predicament. The front of his white shirt was completely soaked. It clung to Hänschen's fine chest and the water made the white almost see through. Ernst blushed some more and Hänschen just chuckled._

"_Well, come with me. I'll-I'll get you a shirt." _

_Ernst nervously led Hänschen up to his room. _Calm down, calm down. He's been to your room before. Just not when you were, well together…_ Ernst attempted to push inappropriate thoughts out of his head, but when you had a wet Hänschen… well your mind would be going all over the place to. _

_They reached his room and Ernst opened the door with shaking fingers. He turned to Hänschen who was in the process of taking his shirt off. When he succeeded, the two just starred at each other, and Ernst noticed that Hänschen's eyes had become a shade darker. Ernst gulped, and that was when they both snapped. _

_They lunged for each other, Ernst's head buzzing with excitement as Hänschen kissed him letting their tongues and lips dancing in sync. Hänschen pushed Ernst's frail body all the way to the wall placing both hands besides his head. As Hänschen avidly kissed him, Ernst snaked his hands around his neck wanting Hänschen's body as close as possible to his own, and even ran his fingers through Hänschen's hair. Hänschen moved his mouth to Ernst's and quickly grabbed his bottom. Ernst giggled in surprise but then began to wonder what kind of sound he had just made. Hänschen acknowledged the strange sound with a shake of his head, and without breaking his kisses on Ernst's neck, he unbuttoned Ernst's shirt. Ernst couldn't help but wonder how Hänschen could keep his patience with each button, though when he heard a ripping sound, he knew he spoke to soon._

"_Oops." Hänschen chuckled into Ernst's neck. _

_Ernst merely nodded. Hänschen chuckled again and let his hands roam all over Ernst's stomach, back, waist, any where he could touch. Each caress was a new sensation to Ernst and he only melted into Hänschen's touch even more. Ernst finally let out a cry when Hänschen lowered his head and began to brush his lips everywhere he touched. Ernst could feel an arousal stirring in his lower region._

_As their breaths became one and Hänschen probably had enough scratches on his back to pass for a victim of some sorts, Hänschen stopped. Ernst looked at him with a confused expression. Hänschen slowly crawled back up and took Ernst's lips once again and pressed himself against him. _

_Ernst felt something against his thigh and suddenly realized what Hänschen wanted. A wave of panic immediately hit Ernst. It wasn't until he felt Hänschen's hands on his pants that he pushed him away. _

"_Hänschen no!" He yelled._

"_What?" He said breathless. _

"_I said no!" Ernst saw the pained and confused expression on Hänschen's face before it quickly changed back into its normal blankness. _

"_Don't tell me you don't want it! I could…_feel_ you Ernst." Hänschen laughed, though more nervously then his usual chuckle. _

_There was silence as Ernst quickly went through all the reasons why they shouldn't be doing this. He broke the quiet with the first thing that seemed to make sense. "Hänschen, it's wrong!" Though it didn't sound as believable once he said it._

_Hänschen laughed the same laugh again. "Wrong? Ernst," Hänschen paused to put on his shirt which had been discarded somewhere near the door to Ernst's bedroom. He continued his speech as he tied up his shoe laces. "Cheating on a test is wrong. Murder, is wrong. But wanting someone, feeling passion, is not wrong." _

_Without warning Hänschen grabbed Ernst by the wrist and violently pulled Ernst into him. Hänschen smashed their lips together, forcing his way into Ernst's mouth and bit his lower lip, hard. Ernst let out a muffled cry of pain and surprise. Hänschen released his lip and hold on his wrist. _

"_It's not wrong." Hänschen repeated before storming out of the room, his hair still a mess. _

_Ernst touched his now bleeding lip before sinking to the floor and letting tears flow._

* * *

Ernst sighed the memory. Could it even be called a memory? It didn't happen that long ago, only the day before. Now it was a windy summer night and Ernst was walking to no where in particular. The were not out yet, and trees were swaying around him in the wind. Ernst kicked some dirt as he thought about how he had suffered the whole day just thinking about him.

It wasn't fair what Hänschen could do to him. A mere suggestive comment, no, a mere whisper would send shivers down Ernst's spine. If you added in caresses or kisses, then Ernst would practically melt. Then add in a bite…A bite!

Ernst unconsciously felt his bottom lip. Why in god's name did Hänschen bite him for? The bleeding had long ago stopped, but not the want and need that Ernst felt after Hänschen sunk his teeth in. It was an awful thought, really. That a bite would send Ernst over the edge.

He removed his hand angrily and shoved it into his pockets. Ernst loathed Hänschen for doing this to him. For making him sit through dinner with his parents who kept on asking questions about what he did while they were out of the house, and why his mother's vase was gone . And also for his mother asking why she had to repair a ripped shirt of his this morning.

He loathed him for ever kissing him that day in the vineyard and for kissing him every day after. Yes, he loathed him, and everything that he has ever done.

Yet, perhaps loathing him was just easier then loving him.

It was no surprise to Ernst that he ended up at the Rillow household. It was also no surprise to what transpired next. He went straight to the door and knocked, only ducking his head when Hänschen's smirking face appeared at the open door.

As he was gestured inside, Ernst murmured , "I really loathe you Hänschen."

Hänschen just smirked some more and took his hand leading him upstairs. "And so you should."


	13. Ernsty, a muse? M for Muse

Disclaimer: I don't own SA.

* * *

**Prompt:** M for Muse

**Rating:** K

* * *

Too early in the morning,  
Hänschen sits in his room.  
He's going to get angry,  
If Ernst doesn't come home soon.

The house is silent,  
It's half past four,  
There's no footsteps or laughter,  
No knock on the door.

It's that stupid artist,  
Calling 'Ernst-y' his muse.  
Hänschen always let it slide,  
But this blew his last fuse.

They should've not come here,  
No, not at all…  
But then Hänschen remembers,  
Its better then behind their parents' walls.

Hänschen jumps up from his bed,  
That artist will be punished tonight.  
He will kill him or hurt him,  
Even if Ernst puts up a fight.

Like clockwork Hänschen hears footsteps,  
And hears some keys jingle.  
As he hears the door creak,  
His stomach begins to tingle.

Hänschen runs to the door,  
Give Ernst his famous Rilow Glare.  
But still nearly melts,  
With Ernst standing there.

Ernst hides something behind his back,  
Looks down at the floor.  
Shifts from leg to leg,  
Then shuts the door.

He whispers, "I'm sorry.  
It won't happen again.  
I needed a favor,  
And he was a friend.

"He gave me paints and space,  
(I had money to pay.)  
All so I could make you something  
For your birthday today.

Ernst reveals what's behind his back,  
And Hänschen gasps in surprise.  
It's the most beautiful painting he's ever seen!  
Hänschen _almost _cries.


	14. Dance in the Dark, N for Nude

I don't own SA.

* * *

**Prompt:** N for Nude

**Rating:** K+/T

* * *

It's quiet, almost too quiet for you to stand it. You can hear the wind blowing through the trees, and the branches as they tap upon your window.

The room is dark, save the streak of moonlight that slithers it's way through the closed curtains.

You're both sitting crossed legged on you bed, at least you think you are, it is quite dark. You know for sure though that he's directly across from you, almost touching. You don't need to see him; you can feel his presence, just like always.

You can feel when he opens his mouth to speak.

"Ernst look at me."

You laugh, almost bitterly. "You know I can't see you Hänsy."

"Ernst."

But you can't look at him. You can't face the perfect person before you.

Ever since you were little you were a very self-conscious person.

You're constantly smoothing out your clothing, checking your hair, and making sure your socks are up. When in the showers after gym class, you would always turn from the other boys as best you could, for you were even more embarrassed of your nude self.

For the most part, the other boys felt no shame if their shirt was a bit untucked, or if a stand of hair became loose, except Hänschen. Hänschen was always perfect. His hair was always slicked back, his shirt never untucked, and his socks perfectly equal in height.

You just had to fall for the most perfect person in your little world didn't you?

Hänschen interrupts your thoughts again. "Ernst we need to talk."

"What is there to talk about Hänsy?"

As he gives you his infamous glare, the memory forces itself to the front of your mind; you can see he's thinking of it as well.

* * *

_Ah Friday night! _

_This was one of Ernst's favorite times of the week, other then church on Sundays of course. This was the day when he would spend the night with Hänschen; the house they stayed at alternated each week. It was the one time where they didn't have to worry about studying, well Ernst at least since Hänschen never had to worry about his lessons. _

_This glorious weekly tradition was given to Hänschen and Ernst since Ernst was now getting exceptional grades, and had Hänschen to thank. Their parents decided this would be the reward because the boys were such good friends. Of course the parents didn't know that Hänschen's teaching was a bit unorthodox and they didn't know what exactly the boys would be doing. _

_But oh, Hänschen knew. Ernst's thoughts were a bit more… innocent. _

_

* * *

_

_It was around 10 p.m. when Hänschen and Ernst fell back against the bed sheets of Ernst's bed. _

_As Hänschen gazed at his companion, Ernst seemed to find an interest with the ceiling above them. "Whoa." He stated dreamily. _

_Hänschen laughed. "You always say the most peculiar things when we finish." He took a brief pause to place a small kiss on Ernst's lips. "But mmm, I know."_

_Ernst giggled, and turned to face him. "What are you thinking about?"_

_Hänschen sighed. "Oh Ernst, you know I am hardly one for sentimental things, let alone sentimental questions." _

_Again Ernst giggled. "Oh come on. I'm curious!"_

"_You're too curious for your own good." Hänschen got up from the bed. He didn't even bother to take a sheet to cover him self. "I'm thinking about how I can't see you very well right now." He walked over to the window and began to run his hands over the curtains. "And how I can never fully see you and your body. Its always too dark."_

_Ernst gulped. "Th-that's silly."_

"_You're one to talk about silly things, pastor-boy." He smirked. "Now how about some light in here." Hänschen moved to open the curtains when Ernst let out a shriek. _

"_Hänschen no!" _

_Hänschen was taken aback by Ernst outburst. "Ernst, I'm just letting in a little moonlight so I can see you better." He continued to move the curtains apart. _

"_Hänschen please no!" Ernst jumped up and before Hänschen could register what was happening, Ernst had grabbed both curtains and pulled them shut. Unfortunately for him the curtain refused to shut fully; a strand of moonlight dared to escape. It cast a ghastly shadow on Ernst's face as he slowly walked backwards to his bed and sat in a defeated manner when his legs hit the side. _

_Hänschen was stunned. What had just come over his beloved Ernst? It wasn't like he hadn't seen him naked before… just not fully naked with the lights on. _

_Something wasn't right. Hänschen could see it in Ernst's eyes. _

_He walked back to the bed and sat down cross-legged. Ernst did the same and grabbed the sheets to cover himself. But time passed, and the silence continued. _

* * *

And so here you are. Quiet as a mouse as Hänschen stares at you. You know you better say something soon, or this will never end. You figure you might as well tell the truth, he knows when you're lying.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm just self conscious."

"Ernst we both know its more then that." He's not going to let this pass; you can feel yourself beginning to panic.

"Hänschen there's honestly nothing to talk about! I'm self conscious and its not my fault that the one person who I spend all my time with just so happens to be perfect in every way and-" You stop abruptly when you that what you're saying barely makes any sense and then you realize what you've just said. "I mean… Um…"

He laughs.

You can't believe this. "You're laughing. What? Hänschen-" Something about this seems vaguely familiar.

"Ernst, I'm not perfect! There are many things wrong with me just as there is with everyone. No one is perfect." You clutch the sheet tighter to your body and gaze up at him sadly. "Ernst I'm honored that you think I'm perfect, really. But I'm not! Imperfections are something we have to come to terms with and embrace. Its what makes us unique. If everyone was perfect, we'd all look the same wouldn't we?" You nod your head. He does have a point. "Now come on. Lets open those curtains."

Your gaze moves to the dreaded curtains. "Hänschen I can't-"

But he's not listening. He comes to your side of the bed and pulls you by the hand off of the bed. The sheet falls off of you and you begin to panic again. Hänschen is too strong though and manages to keep you with him as he pulls the curtains.

The moonlight turns the ghastly streak on your face into a silvery shadow across most of your front. Hänschen's gaze softens. You just bite your lip and sway your arms awkwardly. "Tada?" You say silently, and had Hänschen been slightly farther, he wouldn't have heard you.

He seems completely entranced. Without any sound he opens the curtains as far as they go, this time casting that silvery shadow on most of the bed behind you, and takes your hand again.

As he lays you back on the bed he murmurs softly, "I lied. No one is perfect, except for you. You're perfect."

You're at a loss of words as every memory and insecurity melts away as quickly as he kisses you.


End file.
